She replies, 'No'.
Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.'
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'
She replies, 'No.'
Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'
His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school.'
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'
His mom says, 'No.'
He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'
His Mom replies, 'Ok, do tell me what you think?'
He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my aeroplane glue.
*********************************************************************
Mad Cow Disease
A female TV reporter went to have an interview with a farmer seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease.
The Lady : Good evening Sir, we are here to collect information about the reason that causes Mad Cow Disease. Do you have any idea what might be the reason?
The Farmer stared at the reporter and said: Do you know that the bull has sex with the cow once a year?
The Lady (getting embarrassed) : Well sir, that's a new piece of information, but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?
The Farmer : Well Madam, do you know that we milk the cow two times a day?
The Lady : Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?
The Farmer : I am getting to the point Madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits two times a day and only boinking you once a year, wouldn't you get mad?
*********************************************************************
Parrot
A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot..
There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
'Why so little,' she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said, 'Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar things.'
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,
'New house, new madam.'
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought 'that's really not so bad.'
When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said,
'New house, new madam, new girls.'
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation
considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband Daniel came home from work.The bird looked at him and said,
'Hi, Danny-long time no see!' *********************************************************************
ONE NIGHT STAND
A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500.
They did their thing, and, before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a cheque and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."
On the way to the office, he regretted what he had done, realising that the whole event had not been worth the price. So he had his secretary send a cheque for $250 and enclose the following typed note:
"Dear Madam: Enclosed find a cheque for £250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the place, I was under the impression that:
#1 it had never been occupied;
#2 there was plenty of heat; and
#3 it was small enough to make me feel cosy and at home.
However, I found out that:
#1 it had been previously occupied,
#2 there wasn't any heat, and
#3 it was entirely too large."
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the cheque for $250 with the following note:
Dear Sir:
#1 - I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
#2 - As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.
#3 - Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management. Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present
landlady.